


Warm Light

by akoa



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:46:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akoa/pseuds/akoa
Summary: It was not so unusual for him to stay up so late, as he’d always have trouble falling asleep these days, but tonight was the first night that he had a strong longing to drink a freshly steeped cup of coffee.





	

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a quote in chapter 119… here’s my take on the touken talk… (which will probably not be very accurate?)
> 
> aLSO, i planned for this to be a small little drabble, but it ended up being over 2k words…
> 
> in spite of that, i really enjoyed writing this. this is probably one of my better works (in my eyes at least) when it comes to my writing experience, but hey! i’m still getting used to writing proper fanfictons.
> 
> ((as always please excuse any typos.. i’m not very good at proofreading heh))
> 
> nonetheless, please enjoy~

It was a quarter to three in the morning when Kaneki had the craving to drink coffee.

It was not so unusual for him to stay up so late, as he’d always have trouble falling asleep these days, but tonight was the first night that he had a strong longing to drink a freshly steeped cup of coffee.

Sat on his bed, a new novel open against his lap, Kaneki contemplated. He didn’t think anyone would be awake this late of night, and he just couldn’t get his mind to settle down.

He really needed something to drink.

 

—

 

As he expected, the halls leading to the cafe were silent and dark.

Despite its exterior appearance, “:Re” was both a coffee shop and accommodation. Up the stairs of the shop housed Touka-chan and the others for the years past, but as of late, the members of the Black Goats were residing in the extra rooms, including himself.

He figured that he could at least make just one cup of coffee for himself… _That is,_ if he still remembered how to make a decent brew.

Slowly and carefully, Kaneki made his way down the stairs, passing by the rooms occupied by the sleeping members of the Black Goats. He didn’t even notice fairly dim light coming from between the door frame connecting the shop to the back area, so he entered, opening the door in one swift but quiet motion, before a voice as mellow and sweet as lavender rang through his ears.

“Oh. you’re up.”

“T-Touka-chan,” he turned to the voice, slightly surprised. He was greeted with a slightly wide-eyed blue haired woman standing behind the bar counter, a dish towel in one hand and a small ceramic coffee mug in the other. He scratched the back of his neck. “I didn’t think you’d be here at this time.”

In fact, he’d _really hoped_ she wouldn’t be here.

“I could say the same. I’ve just been cleaning up.” She paused as she wiped down the coffee mug. She looked back to him. “Did you want a coffee?”

“Oh, uh… Sure.”

He took a seat by the bar, watching Touka as she put down the mug that she was continuously drying to get the coffee grounds preserved in the shelf by the counter.

He could feel the tension in the air. It was so prominent that he was sure she could feel it too.

To be quite honest with himself, Kaneki was not ready to face her yet. Sure, it was days after CCG lab infiltration, and he had given his word to her that they’d talk after the Goats were through with their recent activities. He knew that at a certain point, they would have to talk to each other… But he just wasn’t ready.

So he avoided her, for days. He hadn’t visited the shop since getting back. At least, not at the times he knew that she would be working. It was cowardly, and he knew it, but he could help it. They had talked before the raid, sure. But even then, things didn’t go so smoothly- after all, that conversation resulted in him having a sore left cheek for a while- and he did not want to have a repeat of that.

But here they are. Together, in the shop. _Alone._

He sat in silence, eyeing how she carefully started the brewing process of the coffee.

She had just started to load a spoonful of grounds into the press.

“Oh… are you not having any?” he blurted out- a little more unconfidently than he would have liked- noticing that she had just set a small amount of water in the kettle to boil.

She glanced behind her shoulder at him, eyes not directly meeting his. “No, I’m actually planning to catch a little sleep tonight.” She turned on the burner.

_Ah. This feeling._

The only sound in the shop consisted of the hot air building up within the kettle at an extremely slow pace. The only source of light was from the one dim orange-yellow bulb hanging above the bar counter. The only people within this room include himself, and her.

_How… how-_

_Awkward._

It hadn’t been that long since they last spoke, but now that they were here, together, alone… There was nothing to say. Maybe she was expecting him to speak first? But, she was the one who suggested they should talk right? Of course he _did_ want to talk with her as well, but it’s been a while since they’ve had a real and proper chat. In fact, he doesn’t even recall if they’ve ever even _had_ a proper chat before. Maybe he should speak first… He’d have to speak, at least to end this awkward silence. He sucked in a breath.

“How’s Goat preparations?” She finally spoke after turning to face him. She leaned on the back of the ledge behind the bar.

He internally signed- a mixture of relief, and… frustration over the question.

“It’s going smoothly for now,” he said thoughtlessly, not noticing his hand resting upon his own chin. “I haven’t really thought of a next move though.”

Being the leader of a huge organization like the Black Goats was something Kaneki may never get used to. After all, he’d never think of himself as a good leader of sorts, but with all the support from the individuals of the ghoul world, he could no longer afford to be half-assed.

But for now, at least for the moment, Kaneki did have some sort of outline for a plan-  but not one that involved her getting hurt in any way. He was going to take advantage of his “death” so to speak, but knowing Furuta, it will definitely be a brawl of outwitting one another, alongside bloody murder.

And that was something that he did not want Touka involved in.

So maybe he told a little white lie.

When he looked her in the eyes, her intense gaze upon him made it feel as though time stood still, and she was looking right through him. He wanted to look away, but her eyes- those deep violet irises of hers- were so mesmerizingly intimidating.

She was the one to break their contact. She sighed heavily, bowing her head to look at the floor.

He could hear the water in the kettle rising.

_youdon’thavetokeeplyingtome_

He heard her speak, but he couldn’t make it out. “Touka-chan?”

“…What sort of person do you take me for?”

He looked at her with widened eyes, not sure if he heard her correctly. “Uh- well… what do you-”

“Am I weak to you?” She was looking up now, straight into his eyes, piercing at him. “Do I look defenceless? Or faint-hearted?”

He was speechless. Her words, it seems as though they should be stabbing at him but…

“Do I look as though I need to be protected?”

Maybe it wasn’t about the words itself she spoke, but instead _how_ she spoke them. It wasn’t laced with venom, or thrown aggressively at him. She was delicate with her words- genuinely asking for a real answer.

“Touka-chan…” he started, immediately regretting it. He trailed, not knowing exactly what say to her. He had never thought of her as weak- in fact, she was one of the strongest ghouls he had known- but there was something within him that wanted to keep her out of harms way. He knew it was wrong of him.

Call it selfishness, but Touka was someone he did not want the world to taint, even more than it already had.

“You’re just like before, you know,” Touka said quietly, tilting her had down slightly. “It’s kind of like you’re repeating your past mistakes… Wanting to protect something, barely living your own life the way you want it…” She trailed, whispering to hrself more than anything.

A slight silence followed.

Kaneki wanted to say something. Something along the lines of: _It’s different now… I’m not like before… It’s just that I have the ghouls to lead and…_ “I-”

The loud whistle from the kettle of water suddenly interrupted his thought. Touka turned wordlessly towards it, switching off the burner and carried it to the French press. With the kettle’s screeching gone, all Kaneki could do was watch as Touka poured the boiling water over the coffee grounds she had separated earlier, carefully stirring it and brewing it in a way so fluidly hypnotizing, he almost didn’t catch the words she said next.

“There are people here to help you… I’m here to help you.”

This time, he found the courage within himself to speak his thoughts in truth. “You deserve to live a life of peace. I know a bit about pain you’ve been through, and the way I saw it, you deserved to be free from all of that and have a chance to live normally.” He took a breath. “I know you, Touka, but-”

“ _You don’t_.” Her blunt answer stopped him from speaking, and here was a quiet moment before she carried on in a small voice. “You haven’t been a part of my life for years, and although I know that wasn’t your fault, it’s just that there are things you still don’t seem to understand.”

He watched her stir the grounds through the filter, slowly. Effortlessly.

“I’ve been a ghoul all my life. My world has already been tainted- from the time I was born, my fate was set. And… As much as I’d rather lay low and live a life of peace, there may come a time where I’ll have to fight. And I will. I’ll fight, no matter what.” She tucked a stand of hair behind her ear. “That’s the difference between you an me. You’re too busy living to fight that you don’t take the time to try and live for yourself.”

Kaneki understood where she was coming from. He understood what she was trying to say, but not everything was that easy for him.

“You don’t understand.”

_I’m still trying to find out how to live for myself._

Leaving the coffee to steep, she turned to him and leaned over the counter top to eye him closer, and chin resting on her palm.

“Then help me understand.”

“It’s not that simple,” Kaneki admitted.

Touka sighed at that, but clearly not out of reluctance. She picked up a ceramic mug from the drying rack by the sink, carrying it over to the press. As she was turned away from him, she plunged the flavours of coffee through the press. The air filled with the scent of sweetly brewed caffeine.

“Maybe things would have been better if you were still an investigator…” He could hear her whispering as she started to pour the brew into the mug in accuracy, but with visibly shaky hands. “You were secure… You were safe… You looked, free.” She set down the press once it was filled halfway to the rim, collecting her thoughts. “Being with your colleagues, bantering with each other… And best of all, you looked happy. Things were much easier when you didn’t know us… Or me…”

As she said that, something stirred within him. A feeling of wanting to just hold her, to assure her. He stood, leaning over the counter, and grabbed her by the arm, twisting her around so that he could face her fully. He trapped her within his grasp, one hand holding her by her forearms, gripping at her, and the other behind her head, holding her so close their faces were almost touching. He held her close, piercing his eyes towards her so she wouldn’t have the chance to miss the words that were to come out of his mouth next.

“I would never, _never_ , give up the chance of knowing the ghouls that I’ve come to treasure in my whole life, just for the sake of living obliviously. Especially you, Touka-chan.” He spoke with such seriousness, he could see the redness creeping onto her face, but he continued, internally trying to force his own blush. “I’d never give up the chance of knowing you, not even for a second.”

She was speechless, her face burning up as she stared back into his eyes. The feelings were catching up to him now, and they both just stood there, looking at each other’s blushing faces for a bit before suddenly realizing their proximity. They pulled back simultaneously, but slowly, looking downwards towards the ground like two embarrassed teenagers, before they peeked a look at each other once again, and started to laugh.

They laughed for a while, and Kaneki realised that he wanted to see her laugh and smile like they were now, all the time.

It grew silent again, as she turned back to fill the rest of his cup, but it felt different front the silence from the beginning of their encounter. Instead, the quietness was warm and comforting. He felt as though he was able to talk a little more freely.

“It was scary just knowing that all of you were alive, but just the thought of knowing that you all might just disappear again…” He said, playing with his fingers.

He could hear Touka exhale a tad bit amusingly. “I guess we’re a bit of the same.”

“And… To be completely honest,” He let out a shaky breath. “I’m not even sure how to live my own life yet.”

“That’s fine. You’ll figure it out one day.”

He looked up at her, and although her back was towards him as she filtered out his drink, he smiled amicably.

She turned to pass him his coffee, resting it on the bar separating the two entities.

“Thank you.” Kaneki said, holding the warm cup within his hands.

She smiled back at him. “Enjoy.”

He blew on it before taking a sip, and he was instantly filled with warmth that he could not explain. Each sip of the coffee filled him feverously; not only could he feel her warmth, but he could feel the emotions that stirred within them throughout the night; the tartness of their awkward unplanned encounter, to the mildly sharp flavour of the misunderstanding of their exchange of words, to the bittersweet taste of the mellow ending to the night.

Kaneki sighed. “It’s delicious as always.”

“Of course,” she said as she beamed. “Only the best for the King.”

_King._

“T-Touka-chan!” He could feel his composure slipping. The way she had said it, the way her words slipped from her tongue so languidly… It almost made him spill his coffee.

“Don’t get used to me calling you that, by the way.”

He chuckled. The feeling of warmth and openness being shared between them at that very moment was something Kaneki enjoyed, and for that reason, he didn’t want their short time together to end.

But unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Now, with the time being a half past three, Touka tapped on the counter signaling her leave. As much as he would like to keep her, he knew that she had other things to take care of in the morning.

“Ah, Touka-chan.”

She turned to him before heading towards the doors leading to the back of the cafe to the rooms. “Yes?”

He held the cup to his mouth. “Thank you again.”

And with that, she smiled back at him for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night.

“Goodnight, Kaneki.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading~!


End file.
